lliS<J1^4l^!^l>?WI^!>8yiVi!^li»yi^l^^J|^^ 



THE 

SHIP IN THE 
WAKE 



A THREE-ACT PLAY FOR 
BOYS AND YOUNG MEN 




By 
Rev. P. J. CARROLL, C. S. C. 



The 
Ship in the W^ake 

a Three Act Play 
For Boy's and Young Men 



By 
Rev. P. J. Carroll, C. S. C. 



Published by the Author 
226 North Hill St.. South Bend. Ind. 



ClilGo 



P5 3 SOS 
.^775555 



Copyrighted 1916 

BY 
RBV. P. J. CARROLL, C. S. C. 



All Rights Reserved 



APR 15 1916 

©GI.D 4 8767 



AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATED TO THE 
ORIGINAL CAST 



Father Hyland — Spiritual Director of the Junior Holy Name 

Society Ulrich Hiss 

Frank Moore — President : Edmund Probst 

Will Foster — Vice-President Edmund Luther 

John Pierce — Treasurer Elmer Kline 

Don Wise — Secretary Harold Winkler 



LEADING MEMBERS 

Tommie Donovan Howard Daveline 

"Red" Werner Joseph Zangerle 

"Mope" Templeton William Braunsdorf 

"Spots" Bayfield Louis Kinerk 

George Eyre Lawrence Miller 

Ray Higgens Harold Archambeault 

Dick Johnson Edward Keller 

Lemon Lennihan Paul Beriault 

"Toby" Tucker Arthur Howard 

Ralph Regan Melvin Humphrey 

"Happy" Anderson Elmer Kline 

"Skinny" McCabe Aloysius Lamirand 

"Dude" Weeman (who won't join) Clayson Hauck 



MEMBERS OF MAGNOLIA CLUB 

Frank Hevdtt Ralph Cressy 

Everett Brown Bernard McCaflery 

Ernest Smithson John Guendlin^ 

Harold Dixon Lawrence Daveline 

Ebberfield Chesterton Clifford Davios 

Leeland Stanton Maurice Thornton 

John / ^ • ■, ^ -u ,1 ^ \ Maurice Thornton 

^ , . -who wish to be called- _, ^- ^ . 

Catherine \ ( Ruth Fram 

Book Agent . Lawrence Daveline 

A Pilgrim in Need Ralph Cressy 

Little Girl Mary Joyce 



ri'oiiiinent Members. 



PERSONS IN THE PLAY. 

Father Hyland — Spiritual Director of the Junior Holy Kame 

Society. 
Frank MooRE^-The President. 
Will Foster — The Vice-President. 
John Pierce^ — The Treasurer. 
Don Wise — The Secretary. 
Tommie Donovan 
"Red" Werner 
•'Mope^' Templeton 
^'Spots^^ Bayfield 
George Eyre 
Ray Higgins 
Dick Johnson 
"Lemon" Lennihan 
Toby Tucker 
Ralph Regan 
"Happy" Anderson 
"Skinny" McCabe 
"Dude" Wee:man — Who won't join. 
Everett Brown 
Ernest Smithson 
Harold Dixon 
Ebberfield Cpiesterton 
Leeland Stanton 
Frank Hewitt 
John 

Catherine 
Book Agent 
A Pilgrim in Need. 
Little Girl. 



|w 



Members of the Mangolia 



Club. 



ho wish to be "called." 



time-this year, 
place— a small town. 

ACT. L 

Scene I. — Street in a Small Toion. 
Scene II. — Priest's Study. 

ACT II. 
Scene I. — Mangolia CluT} Room. 
Scene II. — Gymnasium of Junior Holy Name. 

ACT III. 
Scene I. — Mangolia Cliih Room. 
Scene IL — Meeting Room of Junior Holy Name. 



ACT. I. 

Scene I. 

Time— 3:30 P. M. Mid- June. 

Scene — Street corner. Children just dismissed from school. 
People passing hack and forth. 

Moore,, Foster^ Pierce, Wise, Donovan, Werner enter carry- 
ing school hooks. Groups of children pass along on the 

sidewalk. Two hoys discovered pitching pennies when 

the curtain goes up. 

Moore — One more week, kids, an' then school will be out. 
Then I'm goin' fishin'. 

Foster — If I don't pass. Dad said I'd have to hoe beans 
all summer. 

Pierce — That's cause you ain't got no bean. 

Foster — [Ironically] Say, but you're some smart guy! 

Wise — Dude Weeman's goin' to stylish 'cademy in the 
East where rich guys go. 

Donovan — Who told youl 

Wise — His ma. Said kids round here too rough. 

Werner — Huh! Dude never goes with us guys anyhow, 
so how does he know? 

Templeton — That's right. Dude hangs out at the — what's 
that you call that place? 

Bayfield — Mangolia Club, you boob. 

Templeton — Mangolia Club — yeh, that's it. 

Bayfield — Dude's stuck on himself anyhow. Like to bat 
him one [striking palm with fist]. 

Eyre — Yeh, so would I, too! 

Biggins — That ain't 'lowed. 

Eyre— Why ain't it? 

Higgins — Shalt love thy neighbor as thvself. Shalt not 
kill ! 

£'i/re— Huh! who's killin', I'd like to know? 

Higgins — Well, 'tain't allowed, that's all. Didn't I punch 
a kid an' didn't I get it at confesh' next Saturday! 

Johnson — Dude don't belong to the Junior Holy Name, 
does he? 

Lennihan — Nah ; an' he never goes to the gym, either. 

Tucker — Course he don't; I'd biff him one with the boxin' 
gloves if he did. 

Higgins — That ain't allowed. 

Tucker — Huh, where d'ye get that stuff? 

Higgins — Shalt love thv neighbor as thvself. Shalt not 
kill. 



Regan — Sav, HiggiDS, what shu tryin' to give us? 

Higgins — Well, ain't that the catechism? Ad' didn't I 
punch a guy once an' didn't I get it next Saturday? 

Regan — Well, he's a dude. 'Spect he should join some 
girls' club. 

Tucker — Like to biff him one first. 

Anderson — What fur? 

Tucker — So his nose would bleed, an' then I bet shu he'd 
be a kid. 

McCahe — Well, if a kid wants to go East to school, what's 
the diff? 

Moore — Lots a diff. 

il/cCft&c^Well, what diff? 

Moore — Well, he'll get in with a bunch of smart guys, an' 
he won't go to confession any more. 

Higgins — That's rash judgment. 

Tucker — Say, Hig, you must be tryin' for the job o' teach- 
in' Sunday School. 

Higgins — [Looking at the others^ Well, ain't it right, kids, 
ain't it right? Judge not an' thou shalt not be judged. 

Regan — Say, kids, ain't that awful? Just when you want 
to do somethin' you want to, another guy comes in an' says, 
^'Thou shalt not," or somethin'. 

Moore — Hig is right, kids, Hig is right. We ain't got no 
business talkin' about Dude, 'cause it's wrong to knock a guy. 

Tucker — Well, I'd like to knock him one good one on the 
nose, an' then he could go East to that 'cademy or wherever 
he wanted to. 

Anderson — Sister said we shouldn't be scrap])in'. 

McCahe — Xaw, she didn't say "scrappin'." 

Anderson — Well, what did she say then? 

McCahe — She said [imitating], "Boys, boys, you must not 
engage in rude fighting." 

Lennihan — Rude fighting! Good night! 

McCahe — Yep, rude fightin' [illustrating] meanin' upper- 
cuts an' such. 

Eyre — Say, kids, let's quit crabbin', live in peace an' har- 
mony an' go to the gym. 

Bayfield — Amen ! 

Werner — Ain't got my tennis shoes. 

5«7/^e?cZ— What's the diff? 

Donovan — Lots o' diff. You let Father Hyland see you 
without tennis shoes an' you'll find out what's the diff. 

Bayfield — Well, I guess he saw me without tennis shoes 
t'other day an' he didn't do nothin'. 

Donovan — Aw, what shu givin' us? 



Bayfield — On the square. 

Donovan — Tell us 'bout it. 

Bayfield — Well, I jes' went into the gym without my ten- 
nis shoes an' began playin'. Father Hyland comes in an' says 
[imitating}, "Young man, where are your tennis shoes?" 
"Home," says I. "Best go an' get 'em," says he. "O, I don't 
know 'bout that," says I. "Well, I know," says he. "O, I don't 
think so," says I. "All right, then," says Father Hyland, "an' 
excuse me, an' I beg your pardon." 

Wise — [Ironically^ Yes, you said all that! 

Anderson — [Ironically] O, yes, you did! 

Bayfield— Well, ain't it the truth? 

Wise — No, of course 'tain't, an' you know 'tain't. 

Anderson — No, sir-ee, it's a lie. 

Eyre — Yes, sir, a lie. 

Bayfield — ^Well, it's a lie in fun, an' that ain't no lie. 

Moore — Say, kids, it's near four o'clock; let's go to the 

gym. 

Bayfield — Yeh, I want a little basket-ball. 

Wise — An' I want a little boxin'. 

Werner — An' I want a few swings on the bar. 

Johnson — An' I want a game of indoor. 

Tucker — Comin', Lemon? 

Lennihan — Naw; got to go to the hardware store for my 
dad. 

Tucker — Comin', Hig ? 

Biggins — Can't; got to mow the lawn. 

Moore — Now, fellows, let's play fair an' have a good time. 

Bayfield — An' say, fellows, don't let us forget and ask Fa- 
ther Hyland about the circus. 

Eyre — That's right, the circus! Who'll ask the permish? 

Bayfield — The president an' vice-president, of course. 

Werner — That's right, Frank an' Bill. 
[Exeunt all except Higgins and Lennihan, who continue to 
pitch 2)ennies. "E^nter TFeeman.] 

Higgins — Hello, Dude. Where you goin'? 

Weernan — [Coldly] To the club. 

Higgins — Why don't shu come into the gym with the 
fellows? 

Weeman — Don't care to; they're so rough. Besides, I've 
a swell time over at the club. 

Lennihan — Gee, Dude, you ought to get in with the bunch. 
Those club fellows are stuck up ; besides, you don't belong with 
them. 



Weeman — Well, I guess I do. Do you suppose I'm goin^ 
to stick around with a bunch of rough-necks? No, sir — the 
club for me ! 

Eiggins — Now look here, Dude, you'll be sorry some day. 
You know Father Hyland wants every kid to join the Junior 
Holy Name. You might just as well stick around with your 
own crowd. 

Weeman — Nix on that ! Don't catch me joinin' that thing. 
Don't have to; goin' to Waverly 'Cademy in September. 

Lennihan — You'll be sorry for goin' way off there. Now 
see if you don't! 

Weeman — Well, I'm goin' all right. I'll tell Father Hy- 
land this afternoon. See me have a good time when I go East ! 

[Exit.] 

Biggins — Say, Lemon, I'm sorry for that kid. 

Lennihan — Why ? 

Biggins — 'Cause he runs round with a bunch he don't be- 
long to an' don't stick in with his own crowd. 

LenniJian — Guess that's right. Well, so long, Hig. I've 
got to go to the hardware store for my dad. [Exit.] 

Biggins — Dude, the poor kid! Gosh, I wish he'd join the 
Junior Holy Name, and go to Communion with the rest o' the 
kids! 

[Curtain.] 

Scene II. 
Time— ^ P. M. Mid-June. 
Scene — Father Hyland's Study. Large taMe in centre of 
room. A bookcase, chairs, pictures, etc. Father Hyland 
seated at desk writing tvhen curtain goes up. Desk tele- 
phone. 

Father Byland — Well, I must get this lecture on the 
"Worth of an Ideal" for the Women's Guild of Combined 
Charities for Wednesday evening if I have to sit up all night. 
I wonder why I was so foolish as to consent to lecture in the 
first place. A lot of women — mostly idle, mostly talking 
women, for an audience. Surely one has enough to do without 
starting off on the lecture platform — God save the mark ! Now 
there's the St. Vincent de Paul, the Young Men's Club, the 
Sodalities, and, worst of all, the crowd of Junior Holy Name 
boys. [Pauses.] Why are boys, anyhow? [Pauses.] I won- 
der. Well, well, this won't do; I must gQt after that lecture. 
Let me see? "The Worth of an Ideal?" What is an ideal 
worth, to begin with? Or rather, what is an ideal? [Pauses.] 
I wonder? But I mus'n't let the Women's Guild of Combined 
Charities know I'm wondering. Let me see? [Pauses to re- 



fleet] How shall I begin? [Pauses.] Very dignified in this 
manner. [Begins ivriting.] ''My dear Ladies of the Women's 
Guild of the Combined Charities : It gives me great pleasure 
to open" [door hell rings] the door in this instance. Come in. 
[Enters Book Agent, ivho carries large suit-case.] 

Book Agent — [Smiling] Father Hyland, I believe? 

Father Hyland — [Very stiffly] Yes, sir. 

Book Agent — Father, I represent the Belmont Publishing 
Company of New York, that is just putting on the market a 
twelve-volume Encyclopedia containing all possible informa- 
tion on every conceivable subject. No business, professional 
or educated man can afford ta be without this most imposing 
product of the human brain. Now, if you'll just give me a few 
moments of your valuable time, I'll produce for you ['begins to 
open a suit-case]. 

Father Hyland — [Standing, up] My dear man, I'm busy. 

Book Agent — [Continuing to open suit-case] Yes, but Fa- 
ther, no man — 

Father Hyland — I'm busy, I tell you ! 

Book Agent — [Still 'working at the suit-case] Now, Fa- 
ther, in one moment I'll show you the whole assortment of — 

Father Hyland — I'm busy; I don't want your whole as- 
sortment. Go ! 

Book Agent — Well, then, perhaps you'll permit me to leave 
some literature. 

Father Hyland — No, I don't want you to leave literature. 
I want you to leave. [Exit Book Agent slowly.] 

Book Agent — [Going out] Good day. Father. 

Father Hyland — Good day to you, sir. Book agents have 
enough brass for a whole brass foundry ! Well, I'm rid of him, 
anyhow. [Goes hack to his desk and reads his MS.] "My 
dear Ladies of the Women's Guild of Combined Charities : It 
gives me great pleasure to open [uTrites] your first general 
meeting this evening. I feel you are women of vast purposes 
and high ideals, hence I have decided to — " [Telephone rings.] 
Good heavens ! Can't a man have a minute to himself I [Takes 
doicn receiver.] 334. Yes, this is the priest's house. When 
will the 10 :30 mass be next Sunday? Why, at 10 :30 most prob- 
ably, madam. [Hmigs up receiver ivith a hang.] Let me see? 
Where was I? O, yes — "I feel [reading] you are women of 
vast purposes and high ideals, hence I have decided to [begins 
writing] to speak to you on the 'Worth of an Ideal.' The world 
today is sadly in need of uplift, of an awakening to the touch 
of holier things." [Door hell. Enter Little Girl.] 

Little Girl — Father, mamma wants to know if you found 
her beads? 



Father Hylcmd — No, dear, I didn't find her beads. Where 
did she lose them? 

Little G-irl — Somewhere. 

Father Hyland — Somewhere? No doubt, no doubt, indeed. 

Little GiW— What'll I tell my mamma? 

Father Hyland — Tell your mamma to be good and not to 
lose her beads next time. [Gives Little Girl a pair of heads. 
She goes out and returns again almost immediately.] 

Little Girl — Thank you, Father. Good-bye, Father. 

Father H. — [With mock-solemnity) Madam, I say you 
farewell. [After a pause.] "The world today is sadly in need 
of uplift, of an awakening to the touch of holier things. [Re- 
sumes ivriting.] The age is a sordid one. Getting and spend- 
ing we lay waste our powers. The clamor for money is dinned 
into our ears until we grow heart-sick." [Door hell rings.] 
Come in! [Enter Trnm\).] 

Father Hyland — [Aside.] Yes, here comes the clamor for 
money. 

Tramp — Father, I's just a guy as got out o' the hospital in 
South America an' had to tramp all the way here. 

Father Hyland — [Ironically.] Considerable journey, I'm 
sure I 

Tramp — [Approaching nearer to the desk.] Haven't had 
a bite since I left there, an' I'd be jest awful thankful. Father, 
if you'd have a few spare dimes about you. 

Father Hyland — [With a show of reflecting.] A few 
dimes? That's thirty cents. Times are hard, friend. We have 
any number of deserving poor right here at home. 

Tramp — [Appealingly.] Father, you surely wouldn't re- 
fuse a poor guy thirty cents? 

Father Hyland — I wouldn't, eh? You don't know me, my 
dear sir. 

Tramp — 'Fore God, Father, I used to be a good guy in my 
young days! Served mass when I was a kid; have six broth- 
ers priests and four sisters nuns. 

Father Hyland — My, but you must belong to a pious fam- 
ily! Now look here, friend, I know every word you say is a 
lie. You live a lie and, of course, you cannot help telling lies ! 
Now, if I give you thirty cents you'd spend it in the next sa- 
loon. 

Tramp — No, honest. Father, I won't. I'll spend ten cents 
for a drink and twenty cents for grub. 

Father Hyland — [Taking change from his pocket and 
counting imth deliheration.] Then I'll give you twenty cents 
for the grub and you get along without any drink. 

10 



Tramp — Thank you, Father. [Aside.] Guess I'll change 
my mind. I'll spend a dime for the grub and a dime for a 
drink. [Exit.] 

Father Hyland — That's positively the last time I'll ever 
give money to a tramp! [Goes hack to lecture.] Let me see? 
[Reading.] Yes — "The clamor for money is dinned into our 
ears until we grow heart-sick." Then the tramp came in at 
this point with six brothers priests and four sisters nuns and, 
of course, my lieart melted. Let me think? Yes — [Writing.] 
"AYith the world of today, what we have is set above what we 
are. A man's money is more than a man's self. To un" — 
[Telephone. Answers sharptly.] Well? The Kange Factory? 
Do we install hot-air plants? [Disgusted.] No, no, you mis- 
take. We don't deliver hot air — at least not always. Good 
day, sir. Don't mention it. [Resumes writing.] ''To under- 
stand fully the meaning of life we must hold the ideals of life 
highly. Truth, justice, charity, mercy are to guide us in our 
dealings with our fellows." [Door hell rings.] Noav how can 
a man think? Come in I 

[Enter Moore and Foster.] 

Father Hyland— WeU? 

Moore — Father, the kids sent us guys over to ask to get 
out o' school tomorrow so we could see the circus. 

Father Hyland — [Pretending ivith nwclc-solemnity not to 
understand.] I do not get your thought. 

Foster — The guys said we should come over and ask you to 
let us go to the circus. 

Father Hyland — [Pretending to he mystified.] Guys? 
Kids? I do not comprehend. 

Moore — Well, Ave'd like to go to the circus. 

Father Hyland— V^^ho? 

Moore and Foster — Us kids. 

Father Hyland — Kids? Kids? Are not kids young goats? 

Moore — [Coaxing.] Please, Father, ken we? 

Father Hyland — No, aou kent! 

Foster — Just this once, Father, please! We haven't been 
to a circus this year. 

Father Hyland — [With mock dramatic effect.] Sirs, I am 
not in the giving mood today. 

Moore — Gee, whiz ! 

Foster — Please, Father, loosen up ! 

Father Hyland — I repeat, I am not in the giving mood 
today. 

Moore — Won't you please, Father! 

Foster — O, please! 

Father Hyland — [Reflects for a moment.] Boys, you may 

11 



go. Return and ask correctly. After that, we will consider 
your request. [A sweep of the hand indicating dismissal.] You 
may now consider the matter of your dei)arture. 

Moore and Foster— {Going out slowly.] Thank you, Fa- 
ther. 

Father Hyland — Those boys! And yet what would life be 
if there were no boys! Well, we'll try the lecture again. 
[Reads.] ''Truth, justice, charity, mercy are to guide us in our 
dealings with our fellows. [Writes.] "Men today live high and 
think low." Good contrast, that! ''They live on the roof and 
think in the cellar." A touch of humor for the low -brows. 
[Door hell rings.] Come in! [Louder.] Come in! [Enter 
young couple ivho appear very hashful.] Ah, John, how do you 
do; and Catherine, how are you? [Each one answers ''Very 
loell, Father, thank you.''] Be seated. [They sit down. A long 
pause during which John fingers his hat and looks at Cathe- 
rine. She in turn shows signs of hashfulness.] 

John — [Hesitating and looking at Catherine.] Well, Fa- 
ther, we came in to-to be called. 

Father Hyland— In to be called? To be called what? 

John — Sunday. 

Father Hyland — Sunday? 

John — Yes, next Sunday. We have been thinking about— 
are going — have decided to be married. 

Father Hyland — [Pretending to he enlightened.] O! I 
see, I see. [Pause.] How old are you, John? [Pause, during 
ivhich he looks at John.] 

John — Twenty-two, Father. 

Father Hyland — And you, Catherine? [Pause, d^iring 
which he looks at Catherine.] 

Ca th erin e — Twenty, Father. 

Father Hyland — [After another long pause, looking from 
one to the other, in an aside.] So young and yet so wise ! [To 
them.] Yes, I'll announce you. 

Catherine — [Rising and icalking to the desk.] Father, I'd 
like to have two bridesmaids. 

Father Hyland — Certainly — or a dozen if you like. 
[Telephone.] Yes, this is Father Hyland. O, you're Mrs. 
Brown and you'd like to call in to see me on some business. 
Well, the fact is, Mrs. Brown, I'm very busy most of the day— 
Oh, you want to rent a pew ! Why, sure ; come right up any 
time. [Hangs up telej)hone, walks up to John and shakes 
hands.] Good day and good luck to you, John. 

John — Good day, and thank you. Father. 

Father Hyland^[Shaking hands with Catherine.] Good 
afternoon, Catherine. 

12 



Catherine — Good afternoon, Father. 

Father Hyland — [^till standing, muses.'] "They live on 
the roof and think in the cellar!" [^its down and resumes 
loriting.] "The passion for speech leaves no time for calm con- 
secutive thinking. People's tongues are worn from usage, while 
their brains gather rust. The old domestic virtues are forgot- 
ten in the clamor for the sentimentalh^ heroic. Women think." 
[Door hell rings.] Heavens I These interruptions are unbear- 
able. Come in! [Enter Moore and Fosteu.] Again! 

Aloore and Foster — [Boiviiig very solemnly.] Father, the 
bo3^s of your parochial school most humbly request you to give 
them permission to see the circus which will appear in our 
city tomorrow. [Both how second time.] 

Father Hyland — [Witli mock solemnity.] We will con- 
sider your request and will answer you in a less dispassioned 
moment. Go, — and stand not upon the order of your going. 
[They go out sloioly. Telephone hell rings.] Well! You want 
to know if we have any fresh eggs? Why, certainly not — we 
don't keep such things; everything is stale around here. No, 
this is not the grocery. Where is the grocery? Consult the 
telephone book and I'm sure you'll locate one. Good after- 
noon ! [Enter \Yeeman dressed very stylishly.] [Aside.] An- 
other interruption! Heavens, I'll never get that lecture! Well? 

Weemmi — I just dropped in to tell you I've decided to go 
to Waverly Academy next September. 

Father Hyland — [Ironically.] O! so you've decided, eh? 
^\nd who are you to decide? A mere boy, a green youngster, a 
lad still in his salad days. So, so, you have decided to attend 
Waverly Academy! 

Weeman — [Doggedly.] Well, my mother said I could go. 

Father Hyland — Of course, of course. Mothers sometimes 
do very foolish things. 

Weeman — Besides, I don't like it round here. The boys 
aren't a bit nice. Mother said I must get in with a better set. 

Father Hyland — [Forcihly.] Young man, I know your 
case. It's as common as house flies. You've money and you 
want to move in big company. It's the curse of money that 
when people get it, they want to pass out of the lives of simple 
people to the lives of people w^ho spend and enjoy. You think 
because you've more money than other boys around here, you're 
better than they are. A big purse often means a big head. Of 
course you don't care for our boys ; they don't wear belts, and 
haven't Avhite socks and can't shoot round corners in a Fierce- 
Arrow. Of course you don't care for them. That's why you're 
never with them at Communion ; that's why you're not at their 
meetings; that's why you weren't with them at their picnic. 

13 



You move higher up — at the Mangolia Chrb, out at the golf 
links, off at the lakes where the rich people enjoy themselves. 
Young man, you have a good father; but if he did the right 
thing with you, you'd be driving a team of horses instead of a 
Pierce-Arrow. Young man, you're getting into the wrong line 
of march. You belong to the Holy Name Juniors and ycni're 
trying to keep step with the silk stockings of the Mangolia 
Club. You can't keep up Avith them-^their pace is too swift. 
Just see where you'll land ! 

Weeman — [Doggedly.] Well, I've nmde up my mind to go. 
FatJier H gland — Of course you have, and I'm not hoj^ing to 
alter it. Before a man can change his mind he must have a 
mind to change. Go ahead! When you're wrecked on the 
white-decked Mangolia we'll send a life-boat with some Holy 
Name boys to get you. In trying to keep your socks white see 
that your soul doesn't get soiled. [Exit Wep^max.] And yet 
he's one of my own boys. I musn't let him go this Avay. [IIV/ZA'S 
to the door and calls "Weeman/" Re-enter Weemax.] 
FatJier H gland — Good-bye and God bless you 1 
Weeman — Good-bye, Father. [Exit sloirlg.] 
Father Hgland — And I'm sui)i)Osed to lecture to a lot of 
society women! Hang the lecture! What's the use? I'm 
writing about high thinking and sim])le living, jind here is one 
of my own boys going to the devil. [Telephone rings. Takes 
up receiver qnichlg.] Hello! What's the matter with me? 
Nothing. I seem i)eeved? Well, I can't be grinning all the 
time like an ape, can I? How's the lecture coming? What 
lecture? O! the lecture to the Women's Glub. Well, that's 
called off. When? Now. Yes, now; right now. Good after- 
noon. [Hangs up receiver.] No, lecturing is not the business 
for me. If I start it every boy in the parish will be spending 
his money in Waverly Academy and losing his faith. [Throw- 
ing away each one of the sheets of paper on which he has writ- 
ten his lecture.] There you go, "high thinking and low living" ; 
there you go, "culture and art" ; there you go, "high ideals and 
lofty purposes." [Takes up his office hook and sits down. 
Makes sign of the cross.] Guess I'll pray for the Women's 
Guild of Combined Charities. [As he hec/ins. door and tele- 
phone hells ring. He looks front one to the other hopelessly.] 

[Curtain.] 



14 



ACT II. 

Scene I. 

Time — 10 P. J/., two days before Weejian leaves for Wavcrh/ 

Academy in September. 
Scene — Manfjolia Club Room. Pennants hang from the trails. 

Pictures of actresses, baseball players, etc. A lounge, rock- 
ing chairs, a table, etc. 
Brown^ Smithson, Dixon, Chesterton^ Stanton, Hewitt are 

sitting or lolling around the room in different attitudes. 

Brotcn — Sav, Smithson, how did you like the show hist 
night? 

Hmithson — Punk; too much preach. Something spicy for 
me. 

Stanton — I didn't go. Saw it in Chicago; Avent for a ride 
instead and got home at twelve. 

Dixon — I was at the park. Hand me a cigaret, Ernie. 
[Smithson hands silver case of cigaret s.] 

Chesterton — Say, fellows, do you know that bunch o' girls 
we saw at the Fraternity dance Wednesday? 

Heivitt — Huh, huh. Peaches, weren't they? 

Chesterton — Huh, huh. Well, I'm goin' to take 'em out 
ridin' Thursday night. We'll have supper at the Haverly Club, 
and then home by one-thirty A. M. ! 

Broicn — What will the old man say, Ches? 

Chesterton — O, the old man won't mind. He goes to bed 
at eight-thirty, and at one-thirty A. M. 'twould take a cannon 
to wake him. 

Smithson — Let's have a game, fellows. Get the cards, Dix. 
This thing is too dull. [Dixon gets pack of cards: the others 
bring chairs to the center of roo))f. All sit around table for a 
game of poker.] 

Stanton — What's the limit, fellows — a quarter? 

Hewitt — Say, but you're cheap, Stan I Let's make it worth 
while. Fifty cents and Ches for pot-master. 

Stanton — All right. [They begin to play the game. AVee- 
MAN enters.] ' 

Brown — Hello, Weeman old boy. Where the devil have 
3'ou been keepin' yourself? Haven't seen you for a week. Home 
with mamma, eh? [All laugh.] 

Weeman — [Swaggering.] Nope. Old lady hasn't seen me 
for a couple of days ; been in Chicago. 

Stanton — Coin' it fast, eh? 

Weeman — O, some. Leaving for the East Friday. 

Stanton-AWiQVQ to? [To Dixon.] Deal, Dix. 

Weeman — Waverly Academy. 

15 



Stanton — Pretty swell place. I'm goin' to Exmore. [To 
the dealer.] Pass! 

Brown — [To the dealer.] Three, Dix. [To Wee man.] 
Any your crowd going with j^ou, Weeman? 

Weetnan — [Showing surprise.] My crowd? 

Brown — [To the players.] I'm in. Chip in, Stan. [To 
Weeman.] You know what I mean. That bunch you hang out 
with down there on the North Side. 

Weeman — I don't get shu. 

Chesterton — [To dealer.] Two cards. 

Stanton — [To dealer.] Three. 

Brown — Yes, you do get me. I mean that crowd of fel- 
lows down there where you live. 

Weeman — O, I got shu now. I never go with that bunch. 

Hewitt — [To players.] I bet a quarter. 

Brown — [To Hewitt.] See you. [To Weeman.] You'd 
better not if you want to keep in here. 

Weeman — Don't be afraid. I'll keep good and far away 
from that crowd. 

Chesterton — Play, Dix. Hand me a cigaret, Smithson. 
Have one, Weeman. [They light cigarets. Knock on the door.] 

Broivn — [Shouting so as to he heard outside.] Who's 
there? 

Chesterton — Be careful, Brown! You know gamblin' is 
against the law. 

Smithson — Say, that's right, fellows. And it might be a 
cop, too! [Another knock.] Go and see who it is, Dix. [Dixon 
goes to door and opens. Voice outside: ^^Is Dude Weeman in 
there? His mother ivants him.'^] 

Smithson — [To those inside in a loud lohisper.] Two 
rough-necks from Weeman's section, fellows. 

Broicn — [To those inside] Say, fellows, let's move the 
table away, get the chips off and have some fun with 'em. 
That's as much sport as anything else. [They move the table 
to one side and gather up the chips.] 

[Enter Moore and Foster.] 

Smithso7i — [Ve7^y forcihly so as to frighten the ttvo.] Well, 
what brings you in here, I'd like to know? Can't you get it 
into your head that this is a private club? 

Moore — [Surveying the room leisurely.] Well, we-a — 
[Seeing Weeman.] O, hello, Dude! [To Moore.] Well, we 
came in because you asked us to. We knocked first. 

Smithson— 6, you knocked first, eh? Well, probably you'll 
get knocked second. 

Moore — Don't know. You can't tell. 

Dixon — [To Foster.] And where do you live? 

16 



Foster — In a house. 

Dixmi — No, not in a house ; in a shack. 

Foster — Is it? Come round some time an' make sure. 

Dixon — [Ironically.] Yes, I will! I'd like to see myself 
going into the rickety house where your old man lives. 

Foster — Now listen, fellow, you can say all you want to 
about the old shack, as you call it. But don't you say anything 
'bout my dad. 

Dixon — Well, I guess I'll say whatever I feel like. 

Foster — No you won't — if it's 'bout my dad. 

Moore — [To Dixon.] Now look here, Mister, we didn't 
come in here to start a scrap, an' we ain't goin' to. We just 
came in to tell Dude Weeman his mother wants him. 

Dixon — [jTo Weeman.] Huh! Tied to your ma, eh? 

Smith son — [To Weeman.] Better go home, dearie, your 
ma wants you! [Members of Mangolia laugh and ridicule 
Weeman.] 

Weeman — [Angrily to Moore and Foster.] Now you fel- 
lows have got no business buttin' in here. You just never mind 
comin' in, but tend to jour own business. Don't know you 
fellows; don't want to have anything to do with you, do you 
hear? 

Moore — Dude, I just want to explain that your mother 
sent over to the gym to ask a couple o' fellows to hunt you up. 
8he wanted to see you pretty bad. Well, we decided we'd hunt 
you up, an' that's why we're here. Now, Dude, if you [looking 
round at the others] or any of you guys think we skulked in 
on you to be one o' you or have anything to do with you, you're 
very much mistaken. 

Smith son — Well, it's not likely we'd let two rough-necks 
like you in on us — if we knew it. You're not in our class. 

Dixon — No, you belong to the cheap set. Probably your 
mother takes in washing. 

Moore — [Stepping toward Dixon.] Now, just cut that, 
kid, or there'll be trouble. 

Dixon — [Stepping toward Moore.] No, I won't, cut it, you 
low-down. What right have you got in here, anyway? Get 
out — or I'll kick you out. 

Moore — I'll get out all right, but you won't kick me out. 

Dixon — Yes, I will. [Pushes Moore.] 

Moore — Be careful, fellow. I'll get out all right; but I 
don't want you to think you can kick me out. 

Chesterton — [Stepping^ up.] Biff him one, Dix! 

Stanton — Punch his face for him ! 

Smithson — Smash him, Dix, or I will! 

17 



Foster — [Stepping between Moore and Smithsjx.] No^ 
sir ! You just stay right where you are. 

Brotvn — Say, feHows, let's all clean up on 'em I 

Moore — [LooJxS around and counts.] One, two, three, four, 
five, six, seven. h?even 'gen two. Gee, but you're brave I 

Smithson — No, it don't take seven. Here's a pair of gloves 
[hands gloves] an' if I don't lick you alone, I'll never ride an- 
other Fierce-Arrow. Come, put on the gloves I 

Moore — [Quictlg.] Don't think so. Ain't fond o* lightin'. 

Sniithson — No, you little measly, beggarly coward; of 
course you're not fond o' fightin'. Put on the gloves or I'll 
make pulp o' you, do you hear? 

Moore — [Hlowlg.] Now let me see? No, s})(»rt, 'tain't 
that I'm a coward or afraid o' you, for I ain't. It's somethin' 
else. Say, Foster, [aside to Foster] do you think I'm allowed 
to fight the guy? You know Father Hyland said Ave shouldn't 
be pickin' up quarrels. 

Foster — [Aside to Moore.] You ain't pickin' up no (piar- 
rel ; he's startin' it. 

Moore — [Aside to Foster.] Think it's all right to go in? 

Foster — [Aside to Moore.] Sure thing, kid, he's startin' it. 
[During this conrersution Smitiisox takes off coat and puts on 
gloves.] 

Sniithson — [Coming near Moore.] So you're yell(>w, eh? 
You coward! 

^[oore — No, I'm not yellow, nor a coward, but F don't be- 
lieve in fightin'. 

Sniithson — Well, to show you you're yellow and a coward, 
take that and shut up I [S.aiitiisox hits ;Moore with his glored 
fist on the face.] 

Moore — [Flinging off his coat.] All right, I'm with you. 
[Foster helps him to put on gloves. They begin to fight. Dur- 
ing the boxing contest Smithsox's friends encourage him with, 
''Biff him, Smithie.''' "La^id a good one, Erxie."' "Lead off!'' 
"Ha^mner him one!'' etc.] 

Foster-i-[Keeping behind Moore.] Watch your ojienin', 
Frank! Let him d() the leadin', kid! Nice guard! [Theg 
fight for some moments. At the proper time Foster says, 
"Rush him, kid; he's all in." Moore rushes on S:mithsox, hits 
Mm several times in quick succession and finally knocks Smith- 
son out. Foster helps Moore to take off the giloves and to put 
on his coat. The others try to revive Smithsox. All the mem- 
bers of the Mangolia Club are silent. Foster goes out, followed 
by Moore. Just at the door Moore turns round and looks at 
the group.] 

18 



Moore — Then I'll tell your mother you ain't coniin', Dude. 
^Exeunt Moore and Foster. The Manfjolia Cluh hoys and 
Weeman remain silent as the curtain goes don:n sloicly.] 

[Curtain.] 

Scene II. 
TniE — Next evening. 

Scene — Gymnasium of Junior Holy Name. Boys tossing 

}) ash et -'ball, exercising on parallel hars, horizontal har, 

swinging Indian cluhs, boxing, etc. 

Pierce — Wonder how Father Hyland found it out? 

Wise — HoAv did he? How does he find out everything? 
Didn't he find out when "Lemon" broke the sacristy window? 
Didn't he find out when "Mope" hit ''Toby" with an eraser on 
the back o' the head? Shucks! You can't do nothin' he don't 
find out. 

Dotiovan — I know who told him. Bet shu Dude did. 

Werner — Sure o' that? 

Donovan — Nuh, ain't sure ; but I saw Dude goin' in to se(^ 
him this mornin'. 

Templeton — What's goin' to happen to you, Frank, old 
kid? 

Moore — Gosh, don't ask me. Guess I'll be thrown out o' 
the society. Father Hyland is pretty hard on fightin'. 

Foster — Well, 'twasn't your fault. 

Moore — Huh, an' supposin' I tell him that, what'll he say? 

Foster — He'll say, "Glad to hear it, Frank, glad to hear 
it." 

Moore — Yes, he will! Here's what he'll say: "Substanti- 
ate your statement, sir; substantiate your statement. In other 
words, sir, make it appear." 

Foster — An' then what'll you say ? 

Moore — What'll I say? Gosh, I'll say nothin' — wont be 
able to say nothin'. 

Bayfield — Now, fellows, I tell you 'twill be all right. Eyery 
one knows Frank wasn't lookin' for a scraj). Father Hyland 
won't think a thing about it. 

Moore— [Doubtfully.] Won't he? 

Bayfield — Of course he won't. He'll just walk in an' say : 
[Imitating manner of Father Hyland.] "Well, Mr. Moore, 
what's this I hear; you'ye been fightin'?" 

Eyre — [Disgusted.] Naw, not "fightin," but, "Mr. Moore, 
you've had a i)u-i)U-gilistic encounter." 

Johnson — Yeh, that's it — "pugilistic encounter." 

19 



Bayfield — An' then Moore will say the confiteor down to 
mea ynaxima culpa. Then Father Hyland will say, ''Did you 
hurt him?" 

Eyre — [Disgusted.] Naw, no "hurt him"; "did you in- 
flict severe bodily ch-ch-astisement?" 

Johnson — Yeh, that's it — "severe bodily chastisement." 

Bayfield — Then Moore, kind o' proud-like, will say, "I 
did." 

Eiggins — An' Father Hyland will say: [Shaking hands 
with Moore and imitatmg niannei" of Father Hyland.] "Well 
done, thou good and faithful servant!" [Enter Father Hy- 
land.] 

Father Hyland— What? What? What? [Looking around 
over the hoys.] 

Eiggins — Father, [scratching his head in a hesitating man- 
ner] another guy an' I had an argument 'bout — 'bout where 
children go who ain't baptized. 

Lennihan — Yeh, an' I thought different all de time. ' 

Father Eyland — [Turning toward Lennihan and Hig- 
GiNS loith mock solemnity.] Young men I don't follow you, 
don't get the sequence of your ideas. Y^ou had an argument — 
an altercation in other words — with a guy. Now tell me what's 
a guy? 

Lennihan — Father, a guy's a kid. 

Father Eyland — And a kid is a young goat? 

Lennihan — No, Father; a kid is what the Sisters call a 
boy. 

Father Eyland — [Pretending to he enlightened.] Indeed, 
indeed ! So a kid is actually a boy ! 

Regan — [Aside to Anderson.] Maybe he'll forget about 
Moore's fight. 

Anderson — [Aside, to Regan.] Hope so! 

Father Eyland — So you had an argument with a boy as to 
where unbaptized infants go. And how did you settle it? 

Johnson — We didn't settle it, Father; we fought it out. 

Regan — [Aside to Anderson.] Gosh, fightin' it out will 
make him think o' Moore's fight. 

Anderson — [Aside to Regan.] That boob Johnson! 

Father Eyland^-Fought it out, eh? That's what the theo- 
logians always do. 

Johnson — The question is pretty deep for me. Father. 

Father Eyland — Quite so, quite so, indeed. [Turning to 
Johnson icith mock solemnity.] "There are more things in 
heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philoso- 
phy." [Addressing all the hoys.] So our friend Weeman is 
going off to school Friday? 

20 



Regan — [Aside to Anderson.] Gosh! he'll thiuk of it now. 

Anderson — [Aside to Regan.] Yeh, he's oomin' to it. 

Tucker — Yes, Father; his mother wants him to go to a 
swell school in the East. 

Father Eyland — [Pretending not to understand.] A swell 
school? What's that? 

Tucker — That's what the catalogue calls an exclusive 
school. 

Father Hyland — And who else is going to this exclusive 
school? 

Tucker — No one else. Our dads ain't got the dough. 

Father Hyland — [Pretending not to understand.] The 
dough ? Are they all bakers ? 

Tucker — I mean they ain't got the money. 

Father Eyland — O ! the money ; the imuni necessarium. 
Quite so, indeed. Now let me see? Who missed Communion 
last Sunday? You, Ralph? 

Regan — No; I was there, Father. 

Father Hyland — You, George? 

Eyre — Yes I was there, Father. 

Father Hyland — And Ray, how about you? 

Higgins — I w^ent to the lake last Saturday to get some 
frog legs — 

Father Eyland — That's a shame. 

Eiggins — For you, Father. 

Father Eyland — Well, that is-er-a mitigating circum- 
stance. But don't let it happen again. 

Eiggins — No, Father ; I won't. 

Father Hyland — [Looking at the hoys for some moments.] 
It only remains for me to tell you not to be too noisy. Boys 
should be seen and not heard. [Boys shake their heads and 
shoiD signs of disapproval.] And they should be seen but 
seldom — mostly in school and church. [Boys show signs of 
disagreement.] Above all, do not remain too late. 

Moore — Ten o'clock, Father? 

Father Hyland — [With assumed severity.] Ten o'clock! 
Why, young man, do you think this is an all-night theatre? Ten 
o'clock, indeed ! Why, my young men, the Avorld is in its third 
sleep — or ought to be — ^at ten o'clock. Let me see. [Looks at 
his icatch.] It's now five minutes after eight. Let the last boy 
of you be out of here by nine o'clock. 

Several — O, Father! 

Father Hyland — No use. Tiie die is cast ! 

Donovan — [Coaxing.] Please, Father! 

Father Hyland — No; home sweet home at 9 o'clock! 

Werner — We'll be just as quiet as if we were in church. 

21 



Father Hyland — [With mock solemnity.] I am not in the 
giving mood today ! 

Lenmhan — Make it half-past nine, Father. You know we're 
good. 

Father Hyland — Yes I do ! 

Regan — Please, Father; just tonight! 

Father Hyland — [Reflecting.] No, not tonight. You've 
been fairly good this week, to be sure. [Boys shoir signs of 
hapjyiness.] Only fairly good, however. [Boys shake their 
heads gloomily.] Later on, possibly; not tonight. [Moves out 
of the gymnasium.] 

Johnson — [Shouting.] Here, Lennihan, i)ut on the gloves 
with me. 

Father Hyland — [Turning round quickly.] That reminds 
me. 

Regan — [Aside to Anderson.] He's thought of it now! 

Anderson — [Aside to Regan.] That fool Johnson! Spoils 
everything ! 

Father Hyland — Yes, that reminds me. Frank, come here! 
[Moore approaches slowly and stands in front of Father Hy- 
land.] Frank, I hear you've been in a-a — 

Eyre — Pu-pu-gilistic encounter. 

Father Hyland — [Looking at Eyre.] Yes, pugilistic en- 
counter will do. [To Moore.] How about it, Frank? 

Moore — [^Slowly.] Yes, Father, I had a little tnmble over 
at the Mangolia Club last night. 

Regan — [Aside to Anderson.] Gosh, Moore had best be 
in the state o' grace ! 

Anderson — [Aside to Regan.] Yeh. He'll be killed! 

Father Hyland — [To Moore.] Tell me about it. 

Moore — [Looking at Foster.] Y^ou tell it, Fos; you weren't 
in it. 

Father Hyland — [With mock solemnity.] Yes, if you're 
what we may call a disinterested spectator, go ahead. 

Foster — Well, me an' Frank — 

Father Hyland — No, Frank and I, if you please. 

Foster — Well, then, Frank an' me — no, Frank an' I — went 
to the Mangolia Club to get Dude Weeman 'cause his mother 
wanted to see him an' she asked us to please go an' get him an' 
we did. Well, one o' them kids up there — 

Father Hyland — Kids? Those are the strange creatures 
the Sisters call boys? 

Foster — Huh, huh. 

Father Hyland — [With mock severity.] Well, go on. 

22 



Foster — Well, this guy he began to abuse Frank about his 
mother, his home, an' such. Well, after a while they plagued 
Frank to put on the gloves with the guy an' fight 'im. Well, 
Frank, he got mad after awhile, put on the gloves an' cleaned 
up on the guy good an' proper. 

Father Hyland — [Pretending to he mystified.] Cleaned 
up? Gave him a bath, do you mean? 

Foster — No; poked him a few good biffs an' knocked him 
down. 

Father Hijland — [Looking at Moore solemnly for some 
mouients.] Did you do that, Frank? 

Moore — [Appearing to he very sorry.] Yeh, Father, but 
I'm very sorry. 

Father Hyland — [^Slowly.] You are? [After a hrief 
pause.] I doubt it, sir; I doubt it. 

Foster — Well, Father, 'twas they a' started it. Said we 
were rough-necks, an' such. 

Father Hyland — [Interested.] And you say he actually 
knocked him down? Was he a big boy — as big as you? 

Foster — O, bigger! 

Father Hyland — Bigger, eh? An' you say he hit him sev- 
eral times with the glove? 

Foster — Huh, huh. Biffed him one on the nose. 

Father Hyland— [Pleased.] Well, well, well! And you 
tell me you boys didn't start it? 

Foster — Xo, Father; honest we didn't. 

Father Hyland — But you tell me Frank finished it. 

Foster — Huh, huh. 

Father Hyland — [Seriously to all.] On general princi- 
ples, boys, we ought never go into a fight if we can stay out of 
it with honor. But if we can't, let's go in and fight to win. For 
ourselves, our homes, our country we must strive to have 
peace; but when we are unjustly dealt by — then war till we 
are given our rights. Our country first, last and always. Frank, 
I like your spirit — you are free of all blame. In fact, the fa- 
ther of the young man whom you treated to such a beating 
called in to see me this morning and said it was just what the 
fellow needed. Don't fight, boys, unless you have to ; and then 
— do you hear me? [Boys nod assent.] — ^and then Avhen you 
have to, fight as though you mean every lick you give. [Taking 
out icatch and looking at it for some moments with reflection.] 
Yes, you may stay till nine-thirty. [Boys cheer and handclap. 
They hegin in groups to hox, to toss the hasket-hall. to swing 
on the hars.] 

[Curtain.] 

23 



ACT III. 

Scene I. 
Time — Evening. Six months later. 

Scene — Mangolia Club Room. Boys seated around or lolli/ng 
on rocking chairs as in Act II, Scene I. Some playing 
cards. 

Brotvn — That'll make it kind o' hard on Dude. 

Smithson — What'll make it hard on Dude? 

Broton — Didn't you hear? 

Sinithson — Hear what ? 

Brown — Why, that Dude's father failed; busted clean. 
Business gone under; lost everything. 

Dixon — When did you hear that, Brown ? 

Broivn — Two days ago from the old man. Said he saw it 
coming six months ago. 

Chesterton — Yeh, and Dude's back from school — couldn't 
stand the expenses. 

Stanton — Well, Dude's old man was a blamed fool for let- 
ting himself get broke. Dude will go around like a beggar 
from now on, I'll bet ! Well, he'd better not come to me. 

Hewitt — O, I'll give him a dollar to help him along and 
let him go at that. 

Stanton — I'll give him a quarter. 

Chesterton — I'll give him the first jack-pot I win. 

Broiivi — Now, fellows, let's quit kiddin' an' get down to 
straight goods. On the square, if Dude can't keep up with his 
company he shouldn't be in it. 

Dixon — That's what I say. 

Stanton — Yesterday he was up here hanging on like a 
leech. Now if he can't keep up with the bunch he should get 
out. 

Dixon — That's what I say. 

Heivitt — That's right. We didn't bust his father's busi- 
ness, and if Dude can't go the pace he'd better get out. 

Smithson — And, anyhow, he doesn't belong to our crowd — 
never did belong to it. He belongs with that crowd on the 
North Side. 

Hewitt — Yeh, with the crowd that has that fellow with 
the dandy wallop. [They all laugh and point to Smithson.] 

Smithson — That's all right, fellows, I've no kick coming. 
That guy did clean me all right. But just the same Dude's got 
to go. He can't pay the dues, his old man has sold the Fierce- 
Arrow. Dude can't stand the pace here, so he's got to go. 
Dixon — Yes, that's right. 

24 



Brown — Well, he'll be up here in a little while and when 
he comes we'll vote on it. 

Stanton — And let the vote be nix all round. Do you hear? 
— nix all round. 

Sever a I — Yeh. 

SmitJison — Maybe he won't want to stick around now, 
anyhow. 

Stanton — Won't, eh? You don't know leeches I [Enter 
Weeman. Boys pay no attention to him.] 

Weeman — Hello, fellows! 

Brown — [Coldly, not looking at him.] Hello! 

Weeman — [To those playing cards.] Having a little game, 
eh? 

Brown — [Coldly.] Yes. What can we do for you? 

Weeman — O, I just thought I'd drop in. 

Brown — [After they have stopped playing cards.] To be 
straight with you, Dude, we've 'bout concluded to drop you 
from the club. You see your father's failure has forced you 
out of Waverly and naturally you can't stand the expense here. 
We hate like everything to do it, but there's nothing else left. 

Weeman — Well, don't you stand by a fellow when he's 
down? Isn't it one of your rules to stand by each other? 

Broicn — Y^ou can't meet the expenses here, Dude, and nat- 
urally we can't keep you as a member of the club. 

Weeman — O, well, you might keep a fellow for a couple of 
months. Maybe by that time dad's business will be straight- 
ened out and I'll be able to pay. 

Brown — What do you say, felloAvs? Will we hold him on? 

Stanton — Let's put it to a vote. 

Dixon — Yeh, fellows, let's vote on it. 

Brown — All right. Get the slips o' paper, Hewitt. 

Weeman — ^All I ask is two months, fellows. By that time, 
I'm pretty sure my father will have things fixed up. 

Broicn — Just vote as you feel like, fellows, and never mind 
Dude. Those who want 'him to stay vote ''Yes" ; those who 
want him out vote "No." Do you hear?— "No." [The slips of 
paper are passed around. Brown counts the votes. All vote 
'^No."] 

Broicn— Then that means you've got to go, Dude. 

Weeman— Got to go, eh? ' Got to go! So that's all your 
talk of "stick together" amounts to! You hold on to a fellow 
while his father's got the money, and when he's broke you kick 
him out. That's your stick together, eh? 

Stanton — Well, I guess we can keep the fellows we want, 
and the fellows who can't stand the pace we kick out. 

25 



Weeman — [Looking around at the memhers.] Aud this is 
the bunch I've been going with ! And these are the fellows I've 
been bowing to! Just when a guy's down they let him stay 
down to get along the best he can. So that's the friendship of 
the Mangolia Club ! [Picking up his hat and starting for the 
door.] Well, fellows, I'm through. Of course you've voted me 
out, but I wouldn't stay now if you voted me in a thousand 
times. 

Several — Sour grapes! 

Weeman — No, 'tain't sour grapes ! It's just that I've been 
a fool all along trying to make up with a bunch that doesn't 
belong where I ought to belong. Good-bye, fellows, I'm through 
— through for good. I'm going back to the bunch I know. They 
may not want me, either, after the way I snubbed them every 
time I got a chance. I'll try them anyhow. Mavbe they'll for- 
give and forget. Anyhow, I'm through here. Good-bye, and 
for always! [Exit.] 

Brown — Good riddance ! 

Chesterton — So long! 

Dixon — Skidoo! [They get around table and begin to play 
a game of poker.] 

[Curtain.] 

Scene II. 

Time — 1:S0 next evening. 

Scene — Junior Holy Name meeting room. The memhers of the 

society seated. Frank Moore presiding. 

Moore — [Rapping for order.] The Secretary will please 
read the minutes of the preceding meeting. 

Wise — [Rises and reads.] The last meeting of the Junior 
Holy Name Society was held Wednesday evening, November 
9th, all the members being present except Tommie Donovan, 
who said he had to drive the cows to the pasture, and Toby 
Tucker, who reported that he had a stomach-ache. 

Tucker — That ain't so ! I didn't say I had a stomach-ache. 

Wise — Did too ! 

Tucker — Bet shu dime I didn't. 

Moore — [Rapping.] Come to order, please! Come to 
order ! 

Tucker — Well he had no business sayin' I had a stomach- 
ache when I didn't. 

Wise — You said you had ; that's all I've got to say. 

Tucker — No, I didn't, either. 

Wise — Yes, you did. 

Moore — [Rapping.] Order! Order! [To Tucker.] Mr. 
Tucker, did you have a stomach-ache? 

26 



Tucker — No; 'course I didn't. 

Moore — Mister Secretary, the gentleman should know if 
he had a stomach-ache. Correct that and say Mr. Tucker didn't 
have a stomach-ache. 

Wise — \Writmg and reading as he tvrites.] Mr. — Tucker — 
didn't — ^have — a — stomach — ache. [Resumes reading nmiutes.] 
The minutes of the last meeting were read and highly approved. 
The President said that the Secretary wrote the best minutes 
[members look at one another and show disagreement] he ever 
heard. He said that the society owed a vote of thanks to the 
Secretar}^ — 

Eyre — Oh, ho, swell why don't shu ! 

Regan — Say, but you're the guy that pats yourself on the 
back ! 

Templeton — You'll bust like a balloon from praisin' vour- 
self ! 

Moore — [Rapping.] Order! Come to order, please! 

Wise — [Reading.] To the Secretary. He said that the 
Secretary was the cleverest — 

Several — O, gosh ! Listen to that ! 

Moore — Mr. Secretary, cut out all the rest about the Sec- 
retary. He's had enough. 

Wise — All right, Mr. President. [Turns over .several 
pages.] The Treasurer's report was next read. Several mis- 
takes were found in the Treasurer's book, which took the so- 
ciety some time to fix up with the aid of the Secretary — 

Donovan — Good night! Swell some more, why don't shu! 

Werner — If that don't kill a fellow the way that guy talks 
about himself ! 

Moore — [Severely.] The gentlemen must come to order! 

Pierce — I'd like to know Avliere he gets that bunk 'bout 
my 'counts not bein' correct? 

Wise — Well, didn't you spend twenty cents for postage 
stamps, an' didn't you forget to put it down till I told shu? 

Moore — Continue, Mr. Secretary, and cut out all that puts 
the Treasurer in bad. 

Wise — [Turns over two p>oges.] The committee on games 
handed in a report about the spring field-day that w^as so badly 
mixed up that the Secretary had to straighten it out. 

Johnson — O, gosh ! hear him ! I was in that committee an' 
the report wasn't mixed up. 

Lennihan — So was I, too ; the boob ! 

Moore — [Rapping.] The gentlemen will please come to 
order ! 

Wise — [Reading.] The President thanked the Secretary 
for fixing it up and said the society would be in a bad way if 
it didn't have such a good Secretary. The Secretary — 

27 



Moore — [Severely.] Skip that and read something about 
somebody else. 

Lennihan — [h^onicalhj.] There ain't nothin' else. 

Wise — [Skips some pages and reads.] The report of the 
committee on new members was brought in, but as Ralph Re- 
gan couldn't read his own writin', the President asked the Sec- 
retary to read it, which he did in a very fine manner. 

Regan — That ain't so, Mr. President. When I started 
readin' he grabbed the book an' said, "Let me do it." 

Wise — Didn't either. 

Regan — Did too. 

Moore — Order ! Order I Everything must be done by par- 
liamentary pro-pro — [Aside to Foster.] What did Father Hy- 
land say that was? 

Foster — [Aside to Moore.] Precedence. 

Moore — By-ah-parliamentary precedence. 

Biggins — That ain't the word, Mr. President. It's parlia- 
mentary procedence. 

Anderson — No, 'tain't procedence, Mister. It's parliamen- 
tary procedure. 

Moore — [Relieved.] Yeh, that's it. Well, let me see? 
Where were we ? 

McCahe — You were tellin' Regan to be still when you got 
stuck on parliamentary procedure. 

Moore — Huh, huh, that's it. Regan, you keep still, an' 
you continue readin' 'bout yourself, Mr. Secretary. 

Wise — [Reading.] After that the Secretary helped out 
the committee on new members and was praised for this by the 
President. The committee on the Christmas entertainment was 
called on for a rei)ort and didn't have any, so the President 
asked the Secretary to look into that matter and he said he 
would and was praised for it. 

Several— Oh I ho! 

Moore — Order ! 

Wise — Next the library committee said that more books 
were needed for the library, but all the money was spent buy- 
ing hand-balls. Then the President told the Secretary to look 
into this matter also, and he said he would and was praised 
for it. 

McCahe — That's it, keep on swelling! 

Moore — Order ! 

Wise — The ucav rules committee was asked for a report 
and they said the old rules were all right, and that it would 
be better if there were no rules. [All menibers applaud.] The 
Treasurer then said that some of the members were back in 
their dues and it was hard to collect. Then the President said 

28 



to the Secretary: "You go ahead and tend to that matter." 
And he said he would and received praise for it. [Members 
shoiv signs of disgust.] Then there was some other business 
and after awhile the President said the prayer and the meeting 
adjourned, and everybody went to the gym for a good time. 
Then Father Hyland said to the Secretary: "Mr. Wise, you 
keep your eye on the boys and make them behave." [All mem- 
hers sJioiv signs of disapproval.] 

Moore- — [After some consideraMe pause.] You have heard 
the minutes. What will we do with 'em? 
All— Throw 'em out! 

Moore — Y^ou're out of order. What will we do with 'em? 
il/cOa&e— That's what I'd like to know? 
Moore- — Will we let 'em go as they are? 
Several — Huh, huh ; let 'em go. 

Moore — All right; the minutes are accepted. Only make 
'em shorter next time by cuttin' out all that bunk 'bout vour- 
self. 

Wise — Well, don't you kids like it? 
Several — No ! 

Wise — [Throiving down his hook and sitting down.] Well, 
you just write the minutes yourselves next time. [Enter Fa- 
ther Hyland. Boys stand up.] 

Father Hyland — Just sit down, boys. Is your meeting 
over? 

Moore — The committees have to report, but we can take 
that up next meeting, Father. [The hoys sit doion.] 

Father Hyland — Well, boys, for a long time I've been 
promising to tell you a story, but somehow I've never been able 
to get to it. Tonight I've a free hour and if you'll sit very still 
I'll tell you one. [Boys settle down and show interest.] Two 
ships lay at anchor ready to sail out to sea. One was a large 
vessel, white-decked, her flags floating along every wind. Costly 
cabins, a small theatre, great promenades, swimming-pools, 
rich dining-rooms, grand music— all that wealth can have^ — ■ 
were set down as a part of her manifold enchantments. The 
other was a little black ship, like a sea tramp, showing dingy 
])ort-holes along her sides. Her decks were of rough, Aveather- 
beaten boards, her cabins dark and small, her dining-room low 
and uninviting, the fare of her passengers the simplest. On 
the first vessel gold-laced officers bowed to the rich passengers 
who crossed the plank for their glorious ocean voyage. On the 
other vessel rough seamen made ready for their journey and 
now and then nodded to the poor peasants who took passage 
with them. After a time came along a well-dressed young man 
with a servant carrying his baggage. He stopped for a moment 

29 



and looked at the hut-steamer on his way to the palace of the 
ocean. 

"Won't you come with us?" asked the old captain, smiling 
as he stood at the gangway. 

"With you? and in that crazy old ship? Not in a thou- 
sand years !" The young man flung his head high in disdain as 
he followed his servant to the palace of the sea. 

That same day both ships sailed toward the open ocean. 
The large ship moved along with the majesty of a lion ; the lit- 
tle vessel stole behind like a mongrel dog unheard of and un- 
heeded. There were bright hours of pleasure in the palace of 
the ocean; there was quiet living in the hut of the sea that 
trailed in its shadow. 

One day, midway the voyage, a wind's breath freshened 
the sea and later flung her into lashing bellows. Clouds glided 
across the heavens as the great wind rose and swelled. The 
young man, who had watched disdainfully the beggar ship be- 
fore he left on his voyage, watched her with disdain now, too, 
as she rose and fell on the tossing sea. Suddenly a wave, flung 
over-decks by a wind gust, caught him in its embrace and pres- 
ently he was cast on the sea. "Man overboard !" was shouted 
from tongue to tongue. Liveried ofiicers looked over the rail- 
ing and saw the form flung on the waves. "It's his loss ! We 
can't endanger ourselves to save every fool who falls over- 
board!" cried the captain as the great ship steamed on. The 
tramp shi]) followed and as she passed, the young man was still 
afloat. "Man a life-boat!" cried the captain. Three hardy 
sailors went down the ship's side and in a moment were rising 
and falling with the swell and pitch of the sea. They saved 
the proud young man who scorned their tramp ship when safe 
on land. [Silence for some moments.] 

Anderson — He was one good captain, wasn't he, Father? 

Father Eyland — He was. 

McCahe — An' those sailors, they were brave. 

Father Eyland — Yes, very brave. 

Lennihan — An' that young man, I bet he was thankful. 

Father Eyland — You may be sure. 

Bayfield — An' sorry for the way he acted. 

Father Eyland — No doubt he was. [Pause.] Now I sup- 
pose you'd all like to be those three sailors. 

Several — You bet. 

Father Eyland — Would you really? 

Several — Sure, Father. 

Father Eyland — And you'd like to be the captain, Frank? 

Moore — Gee! but I would. Father. 

30 



Father Hyland — And all you others — you would like to be 
those three sailors? 

A?Z— Sure! 

Father Hyland — Well, now, here you have it. Your society, 
not very large, not very powerful, is the humble, little ship on 
the world sea to help save all it can. Frank, stand up. [Moore 
stands up.] Boys, attention. [Boys sit up straight.] Frank, 
you're the captain ; boys, you're the sailors. 

Moore — But there's no man overboard. Father? 

Father Hyland — Yes, we can find him, too. [Leaves the 
room and in a few moments returns ivith Wee man. Silence.] 
Here's your man overboard; your brother Weeman — because 
he is your brother, although he has not known — is fallen over- 
board. The ship Mangolia has sped on without picking him up. 
Your small ship is passing him now. Man your life-boats and 
save him! 

Moore — I don't understand. Father, just what you mean 
about Weeman. 

Father Hyland — Well, my young man, you had best ex- 
plain as you explained to me this morning. 

Weeman — Well, boys, you know my father has had lots of 
trouble, and lost everything we had. I had to leave school 
three days ago because I couldn't pay the tuition. Last night 
I went into the Mangolia Club and the fellow^s expelled me be- 
cause of the disgrace that came on my father. They took a vote 
and voted me out. And now, having learned my lesson, that 
money doesn't make any real friends, and that I've been a fool 
all along in trying to get away from my own crowd, I come to 
ask you to admit me into the Junior Holy Name Society. 

Moore — Very good, but you must have the approval of our 
spiritual director. 

Father Hyland — He has. 

Moore — And you'll come to Communion every month? 

Weeman — I'll try never to miss. 

Moore — The Chair will — will — [Aside to Foster.] What 
is that, Foster? 

Foster — [Aside to Moore.] Entertain a motion. 

Moore — The Chair will entertain a motion for Mr. Wee- 
man to be admitted into the Junior Holy Name Society. 

Pierce — Mr. President, I make a motion that Mr. Weeman 
be admitted as a member of the Junior Holy Name Society. 

Werner — Mr. President, I second the motion. 

Moore — All in favor of the motion will signify the same by 
saying "Aye." 

All — [Very strongly.] Aye. [Applause and members shake 
hands with Weeman as curtain goes down.] 

[The End.] 



